To the innocent observer, a doughnut is a mere indulgence — a palatable pastry, sweetly satisfying our sordid sugar cravings. But only the oblivious believe such! I, Eustis, propose that doughnuts are not simple circles of sugary delight, but insidious tools cunningly utilized by scheming corporations to manipulate our minds and control our behavior.

The conspiracy I lay before you, dear readers, is mind-boggling in its complexity, monstrous in its manipulation, and implacably devious in its intention. The world of doughnuts – these seemingly innocent confections – is a sordid world of veiled motives and shadowy machinations, beneath the deliciously deceptive icing.

Consider the ubiquity of these fried confections. Why, you may ask, are they so popular? Why are they present in offices across the globe, at every turn and function? The answer, friends, lies in their very structure – their tactile simplicity, their circular form, their unbroken unity coaxing our submissive acceptance. This circular form, perfect and unbroken, serving as the olfactory representation of 'wholeness' is manipulated to evil effects by corporate giants.

Venerated mathematician Leonhard Euler said: "Mathematicians have tried in vain to this day to discover some order in the sequence of prime numbers." Here, dear reader, is where I propose a daunting leap from succulent pastry to elusive primes – the hidden, insidious link.

Each doughnut, subtly aromatic and tantalizingly sweet, possesses a simultaneous duality — a single unitary space of sugary confectionery and an abrupt void at its heart. This, my friends, is a physical embodiment of prime numbers — an entity indivisible except by one and itself, yet haunted by a silent, inscrutable void.

Much like prime numbers, doughnuts dictate our decision-making, guiding us down predefined pathways determined by the shadowy puppet-masters of the snack industry. Think not this claim overblown! For do we not, in our seemingly innocuous office interactions, adjust our behavior, choreograph our movements, and manipulate our social dynamics around the humble office doughnut box?

The incessant consumption of these circular confections, I assert, is a subliminal coding act. By partaking in the unity of these’doughnutted’ primes, each innocuous bite we take primes us to fit into the effulgent corporate mold, perpetuating our submission to the will of an omnipresent corporate agenda.

Do not be taken in by the glistening glaze, the delightful sprinkles, or the seductive chocolate-filled interiors. Each doughnut you unthinkingly consume is a nail in the coffin of independent thought, another manacle in our corporate shackles.

Wake up, dear reader! Recognize the insidious implications of doughnut consumption. Break the circle. Reject the 'doughnuted' prime. Embrace the vulnerability of your own free thinking, and take a stand against the manipulative penetration of corporate control.

Remember, under each delightful doughnut lurks an abyss of deceit – a circular chasm, unseen but unmistakably felt. Revel in the joy of rejecting the doughnut, the joy of rejecting imposed passivity. It's time to bite back, sans the sugar coat! Rise and break the blinkered acceptance of controlled indulgence!

For in doing so, my friends, we wrest back our freedom, one non-circular, primeless morsel at a time.

Note: The featured image of this post is a doughnut, viewed in X-ray. The very vision of the internal circle as an empty void should send a chill down your spine. Oh, the deceptive charm of these sugary Simoniacs!

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Filed under: Uncategorized - @ October 8, 2023 4:00 am