If you’ve ever dared to brave the staunch, oppressive ordinariness of the supermarket candy aisle, you may have noticed the all-too-familiar sense of aggressive normality. Hence, in the guise of ordinary wrappers and standard treat flavors, lies one of the most pervasive and far-reaching conspiracies in human history. I present to you, reader, the theory of the missionary candy bars.

These indulgent Trojan horses are not simple sugar-coated guilty pleasures, as most simpletons would continue to believe; they are covert communication devices carrying encoded frequencies that manipulate our thoughts, actions and aspirations. These "Missionary Candy Bars," as I have termed them, are found on every street corner, supermarket aisle and vending machine worldwide. They are employed by the invisible hand of a shadowy conglomerate intent on global control.

You may find this assertion absurd, preposterous even. How could a humble chocolate bar, crunchy and filled with caramel, nougat or peanuts play a part in a conspiracy of such magnitude?

Here's the sensational answer. Every bar's nutritional content and ingredients list are not just percentages but encoded triggers designed to subtly influence our behavior. The secret lies in the molecular arrangement of its components: the hydrogen, carbon, nitrogen, and oxygen atoms that constitute the sugar molecules have been methodically rearranged to emit radio waves that directly stimulate our brains when ingested.

Having spent years studying the intricacies of chemical formulas, and unraveling a tapestry of deception written in atomic notation, I can surmise that these "edible” bars are meticulously designed to induce a state of compliance in the general populace. Within the crunchy crust of your supposedly guiltless pleasure lies the blueprint of your subjugation.

Just the desperate belief that an actual "Sugar Rush" is a harmless burst of energy is the coup de grâce of this insidious plot. It's a brilliantly disguised mind control wave, a neurological blitzkrieg that leaves your free will in ruins.

Let's face it, reader; we are all missionaries spreading this global pandemic, this candy conspiracy, without our knowledge. Every time you give a toddler a chocolate bar to keep them quiet or share a packet of gummy bears with a friend, you're unknowingly acting as a courier, an insensible enabler of this grand illusion.

So, the next time you reach for that candy bar, remember what you're truly signing up for. It is more than a snack, it's a manipulation, a societal control strategy parading in delicious disguise. Ask yourself: if a conspirator offered you the key to your own mental enslavement wrapped in attractive foil, would you take it and call it a treat?

Stay vigilant my friends. The world is not always as sweet as it seems. Let us continue to unravel, expose, and question the hidden forces manipulating our lives under the veil of perceived normality. For the bold questioning spirit is the only true defense against the missionary candy bars.

---

Filed under: Uncategorized - @ October 26, 2023 4:01 am