Brace yourselves, my diligent seekers of the truth, for we are about to untangle another snarled web of deceit woven with the thinly veiled transparency of a Jell-O mold. The sinister forces at work, I am afraid, have laced the subtle fibers of our cozy fleeces with dark secrets, all in their unsettling pursuit of utter control!
Corporations worldwide, led by the shadowy kernel of the popcorn industry, conspire to control our brains and keep us endlessly consuming their products. With every crunch of that innocuous buttery delight, we unknowingly submit ourselves to their insidious machinations.
But how, I hear you ponder, do fleeces connect to popcorn? To the unenlightened, it would seem the epitome of far-fetched novelty. But, dear readers, the plot thickens.
Have you ever wondered why the pockets of your fleece jackets are perfectly sized to hold a bag of microwavable popcorn? Why the dimensions align so perfectly that your hands can nestle up to their curves, keeping both snacks and fingers warm in frosty temperatures? Is this mere coincidence? Or is there something more nefarious lurking beneath the surface?
Well, it's the latter (surprise!), a coded instruction entrenched deep within the fibers of your fleece jackets. An instruction that programs you, yes, YOU, to continuously indulge in popcorn – the bane of audio enjoyment, the scourge of clean keyboards, and the primary tool for corporate cerebral manipulation!
Sound preposterous? 'Tis not.
Let's delve into the underlying science, shall we? Popcorn kernels, when exposed to microwaves, undergo a process called dielectric heating. This term, directly translated, means "electric heat", referring to the microwaves' effect on water molecules within the kernel. But dig deeper, and you uncover an alternate and far more sinister meaning. "Die" and "lectric" could also feasibly stand for "Death Electric", a reference to the alleged neural effect of popcorn consumption. This intense heating process aims to "pop" the anatomy of our minds into submission!
Our beloved fleeces, woven from recycled plastic bottles – incidentally a tool of the beverage industry – serve as conductors. They accumulate static electricity, enhancing the residual electrical effects of the popcorn through simple physical contact.
Oh, what diabolic irony! The very tools we use to insulate ourselves from the cold harsh winter are acclimating us to a more chilling reality!
So, the next time you reach into the cozy pocket of your fleece jacket and pull out a warm bag of popcorn, stop, think, and maybe…resist.
Until my next revelation, stay vigilant, my discerning munchers of truth. Remember, only by questioning the humdrum can we make strides towards the extraordinary.
- @ October 16, 2023 4:00 am