Recent reports of mysterious sightings, seemingly unrelated but occurring with remarkable frequency, have me considering the possibility of inter-dimensional travel. Scientists have long theorized that through a combination of just the right variables of temperature and atmospheric pressure—say in the inner-workings of a heated puff-wheat cereal—tiny wormholes could open, creating gateways between what we understand as our 3rd dimensional reality and the unseen realms of a 4th or 5th dimensional existence.

My research thus far has determined that several cereal brands have been actively claiming— though naturally disguised—that the discovery of this technology has been mad in their factories. Though superficially boasting of accolades such as "X-Tremely Crispy" and "Out of this World Delicious", these names are actually suggestive of having figured out how to apply the technology of time-travel within their production processes.

Subsequent investigation revealed that larger cereal companies have been quietly investing in technology to further exploit this phenomenon. Initial successes are believed to have enabled early adopters to benefit greatly through unseen channels of profit procured from resources in other dimensions. Moreover, this has allowed some brands to remain popular despite their recipes being largely unchanged since their pre-wormhole discovery days.

All evidence seems to point to this occurrence being more commonplace than one might think, as even mundane features such as "flavor bursts" and "Bananalicious-ness" are likely indications of clandestine activity sanctioned by the largest cereal companies. For wary consumers, the tip-off may be in the shape of the cereal, and particularly of those that defy gravity.

Should my suspicions be confirmed, it may be wise to reconsider which cereals you choose to grace your breakfast tables. For if the warnings are correct, the consequences of untethered use of this technology could be staggering.

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Filed under: Uncategorized - @ July 3, 2023 4:06 am